{Shikoku Hachijūhachikasho Meguri}

--Thoughts prior to starting--

Sounds strangely like Dōgen's words from the Genjōkōan: "To learn the Buddhist Way is to learn about oneself. To learn about oneself is to forget oneself. To forget oneself is to perceive oneself as all things. To realize this is to cast off the body and mind of self and others. When you have reached this stage you will be detached even from enlightenment but will practice it continually without thinking about it."

Lost in the weeds and brambles The henro, at last, spots the trail. Treading carefully, past pigs and roosters, and the snakes at the edge of the field, he works his way forward, silently, towards the gap, through which he sees a well placed marker. How can he repay those who put it there? An empty smile is the going price; Can he come up with that before T88?

It's incredibly hard to believe that i have reached Kagawa Prefecture again and that this is the last year of this tour. I'm looking online for my plane ticket now and it looks like it is going to be quite a bit more expensive than last year. I plan to hold out for a while to see if a sale comes along, but know that i'll have to buy my ticket before the end of the month.

Anyway, i'm starting to make plans and getting very excited.

--2/22: About 1 and a half months before leaving--
"Waited all my life for this day to come,
i feel like letting go.
Life goes on.
Wasting no more time. So much to be done.
Everything works out. So they say.
...

I always thought that i knew where i'd want to go.
Now i'm here and i find that i'm still getting colder.
...

Here before my eyes,
Many roads ahead.
Time for me to chose
one way now.
If i take a chance,
what lies down the road?
Feeling so confused.
..."

Everyone who's heard of Colbie Caillat raise their hands. A wonderful singer. I defy anyone to tell me that they listened to her song Bubbly and didn't get up and dance in the middle of the room while it was on. I defy you!

Anyway ... i admit to taking this completely out of context and using it to my own advantage, but where she laments here (from another of her songs) about the problems of growing older, i lament the long road between the Dōjō of Awakening Faith and the Dōjō of Nirvana. As i get ready to walk the fourth section of the trail, i could just as easily as her cry "i always thought i knew where i'd want to go. Now i'm here and i find that i'm still getting colder."

Well, maybe i'm not getting colder, but it doesn't seem that i'm getting any warmer either. No matter which way i turn, no matter how many km i walk, i don't see signs that any particular direction is towards the warmer climes. It's obvious from the safety of my zafu, just not so much from inside my boots, but that's a different conversation. Being the genius that she is, she points out that right here, here, right before our eyes, we can see many roads ahead. And it's time to make a choice. Choose one or the other. Ignore the confusion. Take the chance. Who knows what lies down the trail. Maybe its colder — maybe its warmer. Who knows; just make a choice. Don't wase any more time, there's so much to be done.

But the line i love more than any is the first. "Waited all my life for this day to come." That was true this morning. That was true yesterday. And that will be true tomorrow. It's true each and every day of your life. Evey morning you wake up and open your eyes, you know that you've waited all your life to get to that morning. Which leaves you waking up each morning knowing that right there, right before your eyes, there are many roads ahead. Wasting no more time; with so much to be done, which one will you choose?

And no more than a hop, skip, and jump from Colbie we end up right back at Dōgen, and his Ceaseless Practice chapter of his masterpiece, the Shōbōgenzō. He starts this magnificent chapter with:

"In the Great Way of the Buddhas and Patriarchs surely there is supreme ceaseless practice that continues endlessly.
There is not the slightest gap between awakening the mind, practice, enlightenment, and nirvana;
Ceaseless practice continuously revolves.
Therefore, it does not depend on individual powerful acts nor on the spirit of others.
It is undefined ceaseless practice.
The virtue of ceaseless practice maintains self and others.
Essentially, our ceaseless practice fills heaven and earth and influences everything with its virtue.
Although we may be unaware of it, it still occurs."

Awakening the mind. Practice. Enlightenment. Nirvana. Sound familiar? Sound sort of like the names of the four prefectures that you walk through on Shikoku? Sound sort of like the four spiritual stages you progress through as you make your way from Temple 1, through 108 temples and a lot of life, and back to Temple 1?

There is not the slightest gap between The Dōjō of Awakening Faith and the Dōjō of Practice. One step is in the first dōjō and the next is in the second. One step takes you from the Dōjō of Ascetic Practice into the Dōjō of Enlightenment. Finally, after several weeks, one more step takes you into the Dōjō of Nirvana. All the while, ceaceless practice continually revolves. You start out at Ryōzenji with an ego the size of the prefecture, and step-by-step whittle that down as the wood on the bottom of your kongotsue (walking stick) wears off. It may not be apparent to others, but your tsue gets shorter each and every day, and if you take the time to notice as it is happening, at the same time you whittle away at something much more important in your life. You.

It doesn't depend on any powerful acts on your part — it only requires persistence; the williness to continue; the willingness to perservere; the willingness to open your eyes and see. And this ceaseless practice, as undefined as it is, as hard to pin down as it can be, influences you and everyone around you with virtue. You may not be aware of it. You may think you're doing nothing but walking around a little island off the coast of southeast Japan, but others notice it, and respect it, and admire it, and look up to you for what you are doing.

Ceaseless practice, breath-by-breath, step-by-step, takes no effort. You accomplish it as you climb to Unpenji, you manifest it as you take a nap under a Yamazakura (mountain cherry blossom tree), it occurs as you drift off to sleep. As Dōgen says further down in Ceaseless Practice, "The present world of 'bloming flowers and falling leaves' is actualization of ceaseless practice." Open you eyes and see the 'blooming flowers and falling leaves' in your life. Open your eyes and see that your life is the 'blooming flowers and falling leaves.'

Meanwhile, i'll sit back, open Real Player, and listen to Colbie again as she reminds me "Waited all my life for this day to come, i feel like letting go. Life goes on. Wasting no more time. So much to be done. Everything works out. So they say."

So they say. Until i'm certain, i'll keep putting two feet in my boots and keep walking.

--2/26: About 5 weeks before leaving--
Another poem? Doesn't this guy ever give up? Go ahead and say it, i know you're thinking it. But i have another Mary Oliver poem that just makes my heart sing whenever i read it, and that points directly to my experience on the henro trail.

The Sun Have you ever seen anything in your life more wonderful than the way the sun, every evening, relaxed and easy, floats toward the horizon and into the clouds or the hills, or the rumpled sea, and is gone— and how it slides again out of the blackness, every morning, on the other side of the world, like a red flower streaming upward on its heavenly oils, say, on a morning in early summer, at its perfect imperial distance— and have you ever felt for anything such wild love— do you think there is anywhere, in any language, a word billowing enough for the pleasure that fills you, as the sun reaches out, as it warms you as you stand there, empty-handed— or have you too turned from this world— or have you too gone crazy for power, for things? (From New and Selected Poems; Volume One, by Mary Oliver)

I think you can really, truly, only understand this poem (i mean, really grok it, to use the slang) if you slow down, and accept life on its terms, and stop trying to make it bend to your desires. If you are on the trail and your priority is simply to crank out 40+ km (25+ mi) each day so you can finish in 40 days, then you will miss it. I'd say 'then you won't see it,' but there is nothing to see — just something to experience.

"Have you ever seen anything in your life more wonderful than the way the sun, every evening, relaxed and easy, floats toward the horizon..." There are no thoughts of "I hope i'm setting on time." "Now how many seconds, exactly, am i supposed to set earlier than yesterday?" "God, i hope i'm pretty enough for those that are watching." "I am so tired of this shit. Same thing day after day after day. Why bother anymore. I just don't know how to deal with this anymore. It's driving me nuts." "Why do i have to do the rising and setting every day? Let someone else do it for awhile."

Mary could just as easily have asked 'Have you ever seen anything in your life more wonderful than the way the lillies open when the sun rises above the horizon in the morning?' Or, 'Have you ever seen anything in your life more wonderful than the way you slowly come to life each time you wake up?' Or, 'Have you ever seen anything in your life more wonderful than the way a child's eyes light up and a smile spreads from ear to ear when you say I Love You?'

Life is only complicated when we let our thoughts get in the way. When we let this delusional mind we call our friend make all the decisions. Walking the henro trail can very much be like the sun in Mary's poem. When the alarm goes off you get up. After breakfast you hit the trail. You walk until evening. You take a bath. You eat dinner. You go to bed. Then you get up and do it again. Why? Because that's what henro do. That's their purpose.

But that's not the whole story. The power comes from what the herno does while he/she is up. In between the rising and setting. It's in doing your utmost to warm each and every person's heart that you see. It's in acknowledging everyone, with no discriminations, in acknowledging every situation, with no preferences. It's in illuminating the dark spots in your life and seeing all of life from a larger, above everything, viewpoint instead of from the narrow and currupt viewpoint of only what's in your head. When a henro walks the trail with this attitude, life is different. As i quoted Dōgen above, 'Essentially, our ceaseless practice fills heaven and earth and influences everything with its virtue. Although we may be unaware of it, it still occurs.' Ceaseless practice doesn't simply mean the rituals that a henro follows at the temples. Ceaseless practice doesn't simply mean that plus walking. It means the ceaseless breaths, the countless footsteps, eating when you're hungry, peeing when your bladder is full, bowing when bowed to, accepting when settai is offered, and on and on. Ceaseless practice is about being alive, about living, not about doing.

"Do you think there is anywhere, in any language, a word billowing enough for the pleasure that fills you, as the sun reaches out, as it warms you as you stand there, empty-handed..." Absolutely not! And Mary knows it. This was obviously a rhetorical question. There is no word in any language that can accurately describe reality; that can tell you all there is to experience in any situation. Words can billow, they can surge here and there, they can swell until they fill the skies, they can swoop and swirl — but they will always be insufficient. The only way to see reality is to stop, relax, and be. When you are reality, it's right there for the taking.

And that's how you approach walking the henro trail. You don't think about it. You don't analyze it. You don't fret, worry, or get anxious about it. You walk it, you accept it, you live it. You don't worry about how to describe it, you just do it.

"or have you too turned from this world — or have you too gone crazy for power, for things?"

I absolutely hate to finish such a beautiful poem with such harsh words, but Mary does it intentionally. This last sentence should shock you as much as if you had finally gotten that puppy you had wanted for years, gotten it home, and having it run out in the street and get run over by a truck. You should be stuck silent. Brought to tears. Lost. Is it true? Is it possible? Even after you know better, have you turned from this world and gone crazy for power? For things? Is that all life means to you any more? Power and things? I've got more than you, so there! I don't have anything and that's not fair! Gimme, gimme, gimme. Accumulate, accumulate, accumulate. Let it not be true. Please say life means more than that and this doesn't apply to you.

I think Mary was a henro in some past life. She speaks the words of a henro so easily, so beautifully. Maybe Dōgyō Ninin really means 'Mary and Kūkai together.'

Have a good day.

P.S., i have one more poem of Mary's but will hold onto that until next week.

--2/29: About 1 month before leaving--
I changed my plans yesterday and decided to leave for Shikoku on the 27th of March instead of waiting for the first week of April. Bought my ticket on Northwestern Airlines and will now start looking for lodging for the first days before hitting the trail. Then to the bank for travelers checks, dig out all my henro "stuff," check out my pack, etc.

Someone said, somewhere, "Absolute affirmation of the objective can only be accomplished with absolute negation of the subjective." Or something close to that. I thought it was Kierkegaard, but i can't find it anywhere. I thought i saw it might be Foucoult, but can't prove that either. Sure wish i could find where i read that. Unfortunately, though, i read it so long ago that i have no way of remembering where. When you're down to only one last working memory neuron, things like this get difficult. ;-)

If you think about that really, really hard, and for a long, long time, you'll see why it has stuck in my head for all these years. As long as even the smallest iota of a piece of you remains, anything you experience will be tainted by your projections of yourself onto that experience. And when you do that, you aren't really experiencing that experience as it actually, 100%, really is. Part of the expereince has been modified.

When you taste something and say "hmmm, a little salty, perhaps," you aren't experiencing the real taste, but comparing it to your expectations. When you see a stunningly beautiful yamazaura in the hills above the henro trail and think anything, make any judgements, you lose a piece of the experience of just seeing and appreciating the beauty of the yamazakura itself. When your distorted concept of your "self" is interjected into a situation, an experience, that objective experience is no longer pure.

What would it be like to walk the henro trail in absolute negation of the self? What would the experience of absolute affirmation of the henro trail be like? How startlingly sharp and clear would every sound, smell, and taste be? How wide open would you be to each and every person you encountered? How concerned and caring would you be for the environment as you passed through it each and every step of each and every day?

Imagine an aristocratic student, brought up with the best of everything available, knowing that he is destined to go to the university, and destined to join the imperial court after his graduation. His life is set. His future is assured. His destiny had long been decided in favor of great and marvelous things. How easy life must have seemed for him. He had everything and wanted for nothing. Except for one small nagging problem — his heart was pulling him in another direction.

Young Mao, of the Saeki Clan of northern Shikoku, had somewhere, somehow, heard someone say something like "absolute affirmation of the objective can only be accomplished with absolute negation of the subjective." Of course the words he heard were completely different, but they held the same meaning, and he couldn't shake them off. In fact, they pulled him back to Shikoku relentlessly; to the point that he was ignoring his studies at the university. And they pulled, and they tugged, and they ceaslessly dragged his thoughts back to the wilderness of his home island where he walked to and meditated at all the known spiritual sites he had ever heard of.

Unable to live a split life any longer, and to the complete and utter amazement of his family and friends, Mao finally dropped out of the university and headed for the mountains permanently. Walking from mountain peak to mountain peak; walking from experience to experience, he walked away from himself and towards that absolute affirmation of the objective world. Oh, how incredibly beautiful those days must have been. Or, were they frightening — as for a time, he was probably caught between the two worlds of self and truth. But, he was brave, if nothing else.

He finally found himself sitting in a cave on the northeast side of Cape Muroto. How had it come to this.How had he gone from a life of ease, a life of luxury, to a life of want, possessionless, and with no future anyone would ever brag about. Until.That.Fateful.Morning. Is there any way at all that you can close your eyes and just slightly imagine having sat all night and into the early hours of the morning, when, as the sun starts to break the horizon, your self suddenly, and completely, without leaving a trace, drops away. And there in all it's blazing glory ........ is reality. Untampered with. Unspoiled. As pure as it can possibly be. Can you at all even get a glimpse of a feeling of what that might feel like? Mao got it.

And that's when Kūkai was born and Mao died. And that's what it means to be a henro. And those are incedibly big shoes to fill. Can we love this world as much as Kūkai must have? Can we bravely drop our wants and be content wth our needs? For as long as the search takes. Can we learn to live a life of ceaseless practice? Generosity. Morality. Perserverence. Zeal. Meditation. Wisdom. There's the henro trail.

Drifting
back
and forth
as it
floats
ever.
so.
slowly.
toward
the ground.
I watch
the blossom
as
my mind
comes
to
a
stop
when
it lands
on my nose.

--3/8: About 2½ weeks before leaving--
I think this poem by Mary Oliver proves beyond all doubt that she has been a henro, whether secretly on Shikoku or somewhere else, whether in this life or a previous one, whether or not she admits it in public.

The Journey One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice— though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do— determined to save the only life you could save. (From New and Selected Poems; Volume One, by Mary Oliver)

I first heard of the henro trail when i picked up a copy of Oliver Statler's book Japanese Pilgrimage in a bookstore in Tōkyō back in the late '80s. As soon as i read it, there was no doubt in my mind that sooner or later i would do the walk. It didn't happen right away, though, and life continued for another decade without making any plans or doing any research. Then, one morning in the summer of '98, it dawned on me that the time had come. I have never known, although i often think about it, where that thought came from, or why it appeared that morning. It wasn't a 'thought' even; it was a certainty, a known fact. It wasn't a decision i had come to after hashing out the pros and cons for some amount of time. It wasn't the result of days and weeks of thinking about whether or not i should go and when. At that moment, i just knew that i would eat breakfast, go to work, eat lunch, etc., and the next spring i would walk the henro trail.

One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, ..., Mary begins. It's the same principle — one day it just becomes obvious to you that the time has come to do what you have to do. When that happens, you don't question it, you don't analyze it, you don't fight it, you just begin. There may very well be others in your life who think you're nuts, who accuse you of walking away from your life, who accuse you of walking away from them, who cry and shout and beg, saying that you need to stay and take care of them, that their life needs mending, and that you are the only person who can do that. How selfish can they be? What about your life. Don't you have the obligation to mend that too? First?

Whenever you fly somewhere the flight attendents will always give this nice safety presentation that almost no one listens to any more. As part of that, they invariably point out that, in the case of emergency oxygen masks will drop out of the overhead. Pull it towards you, put the mask on your face, and tighten the straps to hold it in place. Only then, they are very careful to point out, should you put a mask on your children, if you are travelling with them. Put your mask on first. Doesn't that seem counter-intuitive. Isn't it any parent's immediate reaction to protect their children before worrying about themselves? Of course it is, but without putting your mask on first, you may not have the time, or oxygen-starved ability, to help your child and both of you will die. You have to save your life first, so that you can save another's life.

When the time comes to go, then, remember that you have to mend yourself before you can mend anyone else. Don't stop and listen to those that want to hold you back, that want their needs taken care of even at the expense of yours. Go. You know what you have to do. Begin. Make the start. As you give up the safety and security of the life you have been living, though, you may very well find that life outside is a storm. The wind is blowing terribly and tearing at the foundations of who you thought you are. The streets you need to walk are strewn with stones and fallen branches. Progress is blocked at every turn. Everything seems to be conspiring to get you to turn back and retreat. It's late and you have waited so long to get started that it seems too hard to see and too difficult to make any headway.

But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own,.. With a pinch of perserverence, and a dollop of guts, and as much courage as you were able to stuff in your pockets before leaving, though, you find that if you don't give up things begin to turn around. The storm begins to subside, the clouds start to clear, and the moon shines through so you can see ahead. And if you listen, you start to notice that there is a new voice beginning to talk to you now. It's no longer the voice of others, it's no longer the voice of your culture, it's no longer the voice of your community, it's no longer the voice of your ideology, politics, or religion. It's no longer the voice of expectations, dreams, hopes, fears, or delusions.

As the clouds clear, the voice you begin to hear is your own. The one you were born with. The one that began talking to you when that first instance of consciousness entered your life. The one that has been your silent companion since forever. It has waited patiently for you to listen, always there, but never able to make itself heard over the incessant chatter of your everyday life. But when your everyday life slowed down enough for you to see between the gaps of all that other nonsense running around in your head, it grabbed the chance and whispered a greeting to you. And then that other nonsense started to leave.

...and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world,... Striding deeper and deeper into the world takes you further and further out of your head. It takes you out of your conditioned existence, responding blindly as you have been trained, taught, and expected, towards an unconditioned, wide awake life. And, with each step you take, the voice you now recognize is always present. When the wind blows, the cherry blossoms fall off the tree. When the rains fall cars splash water on you as you walk beside the road. In the dark of the night you can hear a dog bark on the other side of town. Silently, life's voice makes everything clear.

...determined to do the only thing you could do — determined to save the only life you could save. One day you finally knew what you you had to do, and began. From that point on, there is only one thing you can do, and that is continue. Breath by breath, step by step, experience by experience, you continue to walk deeper and deeper. Sometimes you walk in your boots. Sometimes you walk on your zafu. Sometimes you walk at the dinner table. Sometimes you walk on the bus to the market. Sometimes you walk in your sleep. Ceaselessly you walk. Deeper and deeper. Determined. Vowing to never give up. Promising yourself that you will walk until you save the only person you have any possibility of saving. Yourself. Why? Because that is the only way you will ever be able to help anyone else. Striding out of the house you leave the isolated and self-centered world most people exist in. Striding into the world you enter the henro trail, the trail a few brave people live in.

But today, in Nagoya, she fell not just short, but flat on her face. Before the race she told reporters, "It's my goal to make the Olympics. As long as I don't give up, I am sure my dream will be realized." She knew that a huge percentage of the Japanese population would be watching to see what she could do, yet at the end of the race the clock showed 2 hours 44 minutes — a miserable 27th place.

Did she cry? Did she pout? Did she run away and hide? Did she blame the weather, the course, the other runners? No, no, and no. She blamed no one and she faced the cameras head on. In an interview i saw on TV, she was all smiles and if you ignored the words, you would have guessed she did very well. From an interview with her online: "I guess this is my current level," said Takahashi, who revealed she had undergone surgery on her right knee last August. "This time I didn't do any speed training so maybe that's why I couldn't keep up. I have to accept this result (but) I want to continue my life as an athlete."

I guess this is my current level. I have to accept this result. I want to continue. What a great role model. No doping. Dreams big. Trains very, very hard. Never gives up. Ignores the critics. Gives her all. And accepts the results as they come with a smile.

If only we had more role models like Q-Chan.

--3/14: Just under 2 weeks before leaving--
OK, another advertisement. Am i a salesman at heart? I don't think so, but who knows. ;-) Since i'm sure that everyone who is reading this is also listening to the Oprah-Eckhart Tolle series online (see above), i have more good, free, and informative entertainment for you to listen to during those long commutes and downtime at home.

This time i want to advertise a podcast called The Buddha, Geoff, and Me. It's a wonderful reading of the book with the same title by an English writer named Eddy Canfor-Dumas. But, it's more than just a reading — if you close your eyes (unless you're listening while you drive to work) you can almost picture yourself there. It is very, very well done.

The plot is the story of Ed, a guy down on his luck and with everything seeming to go against him. For reasons he never seems to understand, two Buddhists stumble into his life and offer to give him advice; over a couple of beers, which really got me interested. At first he's skeptical and thinks maybe they are a) trying to get him into some strange religious cult, b) checking him out for gay sex, or c) trying to get information on him so they can blackmail him, but soon he realizes two things — none of those are true and what they are saying, while sounding absolutely bizzare when he hears them, seems to make sense the more he thinks about them.

This isn't some high in the sky, life is great, all you have to do is believe in the Buddha and your problems will be solved, kind of story. No. For the first two episodes, you could almost be listening to a Tony Robbins CD. Your life is what you make it. Think positively and positive things come into your life. Think negitively and negative things come into your life. Bad things will always happen in your life, but what makes them bad is how you react to them. How you act in response. Your life is completely in your hands. No one elses. They certainly don't sound Buddhist at first. In fact, at one point, Geoff (one of the Buddhists) tells Ed, in his most compassionate voice, something like "Listen, if you want to continue to be a poor, sad, miserable bastard, don't do anything. That's no sweat off my nose." At one point Ed does take their advice and looses his job the first time he tries to practice it. Another time he tries their advice he finds that he can't get it up (so to speak) when his ex-girlfriend tries to reconcile and invites him home for the evening (to which he reacts remarkably well).

No, this is not your typical buddhist podcast. But, it is a great listen and comes in 16 episodes with over 8 hours of listening. I highly recommend it. Go to www.abuddhistpodcast.com and dig down until you find episode one, settle in somewhere quiet, and be ready to get sucked in. It's even better if you only listen to an episode a week so that you end up really wondering what is going to happen a week later.

So what does this have to do with the henro trail? A lot when you think about it. Throughout the series, Ed is forced to deal with issue after issue that he wishes would just go away. Some of the issues are things that happen to him and some of the issues are how he is living his life. You see, as he bears down and starts to consider some of the things Geoff, Dora, and their friends tell him, he comes to realize that his lifestyle and attitude may well be causing some of his problems, if not all of them. He learns to accept that the temples are only after your money. He comes to accept that you spend 90% of your time walking on the asphalt on the side of a road. He comes to accept that you can still walk every day even when the blisters on your feet are causing lots and lots of pain. He comes to realize that outwardly not much seems to be very "pilgrimagey" on the henro trail most days. And, when he accepts those things, and realizes that only he controls how he reacts to them, he learns that none of that is really relevant to what he is trying to accomplish in life.

The real pilgrimage isn't "out there" in the places you go, the people you meet, the books you read, the roads you walk. The real pilgrimage is in your head. The real pilgrimage is closer to you than the tip of your nose, the end of your eylashes, the back of your tongue. If you are looking for anything outside, you're looking in the wrong place. And the henro trail is a great place to work on that understanding just because it is so easy on the trail to want to look outside for answers, to want to look outside for the cause of your problems.

As Marcel Proust said once, "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."

Or, as T.S Eliot, one of my favorite poets says:

"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time."

Walk the entire henro trail. Ignore the doubts, pain, rain, cold, and negative thoughts. Persist. Perservere. Do not cease. The reward comes when you get back to Temple One, where you started, and realize now, for the first time, that you know the henro trail for the very first time.

Eliot continues from here and finishes the Four Quartets with:

"Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always—
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flame are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one."

:-)

'When the last of the earth left to discover is that which was the beginning.'

'Not known, because not looked for but heard, half-heard, in the stillness between two waves of the sea.'

Where? Here! When? Now!

'A condition of complete simplicity. Costing not less than everything.' When i wrote How can he repay those who put it there? An empty smile is the going price. in my first entry this year, that is exactly what i meant. 'An empty smile is the going price' means the same as 'Costing not less than everything.' If you can offer that smile, as Mahakashyapa did once, you have come up with everything and offered it in payment.

'And all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well when the tongues of flame are in-folded into the crowned knot of fire and the fire and the rose are one.' And all shall be well, when? When everything is finally going your way? No,when you have new eyes and see that the fire and the rose are one. And you find that by walking through the unknown, unrememberd gate, the gate the Buddhists call the gateless gate. And if you walk well to the 88 main temple gates, and maybe the 20 bangai temple gates, that unknown, unrembered gate could, if you did your work, be right there for the entering.

--3/22: About a half-week before leaving--
It's getting very close to show time. I leave in less than a week. About half of my "stuff" is now out on the living room floor and i'll drag out the rest of it tomorrow. I had to go to the bank today and get a few more traveller's checks because the dollar is worth barely more than used toilet paper these days and doesn't buy any yen anymore. I looked online the other day at the bank at the airport where i arrive and the going rate was only ¥94 per dollar! Can you believe that? Not only is the US reputation and current governmental moral standards in the toilet, but our money is now there to. How sad.

This trip is going to be a very social trip — much more so than any other trip to Japan. When i get there, i will meet, and spend a day with, the man who is single handedly responsible for the publication and release of the new English guidebook on the henro michi. Two days later i'll have lunch with friends in Tokushima City before jumping on a train to get bakc to where i left off on the trail last year. While on the trail, Tom Ward is coming down from Tōkyō again to walk with me for three days. Then, on the last two days, David Moreton said he might walk with me from Temple 88 back to Temple 1. That's more socializing than i typically do in a year!

The first few days this year could be pretty hard walking. When you walk the entire trail in one go, you have probably been on the trail for 4-5 weeks before getting to this point. Since this time i'm walking it one prefecture at a time, i find myself in the rather unwelcome position of having to do a lot of climbing in the first several days, without that month of hardening the lungs and legs. My first day entails a climb up to Temple 65. Then down the back side and over to Bangai 13. From there, i have to climb back up to the top to get to Bangai 14, and then back down to that night's lodging. On day 2, i have to climb up to Bangai 15. Then on day 3 i make the climb up to Temple 66 (Unpenji), which is the highest climb on the entire walk. After that, i don't remember any significant climbs until the long slow climb up to Bangai 20 near the very end of the trip. I'm getting tired sitting here at home just thinking of the first three days.

I was listening to a Jim Rohn CD recently and immediately fell in love with one of the many memorable messages that he offered. In one of his sessions, he lays out what he thinks are key points for anyone to remember if they hope to succeed. They were:

Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better.
Don't wish for fewer problems, wish for more skill.
Don't wish for smaller challenges, wish for more wisdom.

You can't sum up how you should think about hard days on the henro trail much better than that. Especally that last line. Then henro trail can be quite a challenge. Appreciate that and be glad you have the opportunity to take it on. Appreciate that you are heathy enough. Appreciate that you can afford it, both monetarily and with the free time away from work. And that mental challenge from Awakening the Faith through to Nirvana? Appreciate the challenge and be glad you have the opportunity and abilities to take that on as well.

Another point he repetedly made is also as appropriate to the henro trail as it is to your job, which is what he was talking about. "What makes it valuable is not what you get from it, but what you become from it." How very, very true that is. It's not what you get from the henro trail, even though you get a lot. What makes Shikoku special is what a dedicated henro becomes from having walked the trail. Earlier on i mentioned the 6 paramitas, or 6 perfections, and said they represent the henro trail. They do and this quote from Jim Rohn points directly to them.

Generosity. There is both giving and receiving in this word. Many people find it easy to be generous, but struggle to be on the receiving side. While on the henro trail, you will work on both sides of this equation each and every day you are there. People of all kinds will be giving you things, offering help even though you don't ask for it, watching you (without you knowing it) to make sure you make the turn in the right direction just just down the road, going miles out of their way to lead you to that next turn, calling ahead to let people know you are coming and to have them look for you, inviting you into their homes for coffee, food, lodging, or just to talk, and on, and on, and on. As a henro, you are expected to return all of this generosity. Offer a small bow and a smile when grandma gives you an orange. Take a few minutes to talk with the kid that runs out to greet you. Congratulate the junior high school student who comes over to practice their terrible English. Thank the guy when he offers you a ride to the next temple (and then turn him down). Say thank you twice when the priest gives you your stamp for free. When you receive settai and don't really want it, take it anyhow — and pass it on to someone else later in the day. But most importantly, just smile at each and every person you see. There are countless ways you can show generosity on the henro trail, and people will notice when you do. I guess the best way to say this is to say "Love life and it will love you back."

Morality. Whether you like it or not, when you are on the herno trail you are not just a tourist. People will and do see you as a henro. A pilgrim. Someone following in the footsteps of Kōbō Daishi. Someone undertaking a very special trip with very meaningful implications. This doesn't mean you can't laugh, dance, have fun, drink those beers at dinner, and enjoy yourself, just that you have to know the limits. Morality doesn't mean being a stick in the mud, but it does mean to remember that you are on the henro trail.

Perserverence. Five to eight weeks of walking. Up and down mountains. In the rain. Sometimes in typhoon-like rain. With blisters the size of silver dollars on several toes and your heels. With a face and arms that are sunburned. In clothes and boots that are soaking wet. A pack that makes your shoulders cry in pain. Hours on end with no one to talk to. Cars that zoom by at high speed with only 6 inches (15 cm) between you and their bumper. Cars that are so close in tunnels that you get bloody hands clawing at the wall trying to get that extra inch (cm) of seperation. An empty and growling stomach because you didn't buy anything to put in your pack last night and now haven't seen a store all day; and have been told that there won't be one until you get to your lodging at 5. Perserverence. Or, as Nike has made so famous, Just Do It.

Zeal. Waking up each and every morning with a smile on your face anxious to get out the door and onto the trail. Looking forward to that next day on the trail. Taking the time to talk to other people you meet. Sharing stories with the other henro you come across and walk with. Staying to enjoy the comraderie of the communal meal after everyone has had their bath and all sit down to dinner each night instead of hiding in your room. Laughing at other's stories. Praising them for their successes and commiserating with them for their hard days. Keeping that positive mental attitude and looking for the best in others. Making an effort. Making what ever effort is required. Happily. Willingly.

Meditation. Every step on the henro trail could be a meditation if you want to make that level of effort. As T.S. Eliot says, "Only those who dare to go too far can possibly find out how far they can go."

Wisdom. It's not what you get, it's what you become that makes it valuable.

I still sit and stare out the window early in the mornings from time to time, wondering just what it must have been like for a twenty-something year old Mao of Saeki during those days on Shikoku when he was actively seeking the truth. After he had already dropped out of the university, but before that wonderful morning in the cave on Cape Muroto, what were his days like? If you read his story, or at least the story that has come down to us, he lived a desperately poor life with virtualy no possessions and barely enough clothes to keep him warm on summer evenings, let alone in winter. He rarely had much to eat. He certainly didn't have vibram-soled hiking boots, rain gear, a back pack, and trail maps.

Before that fateful morning when he became Kūkai, did he ever get desperate? Not desperate but incredibly determined? Did he ever wonder what he was doing and why? How could he possibly know that what he would become would be worth all the efforts of what he had to do? Why are some people so naturally brave? Why can a few rare people see what very, very few other people can even imagine? And then know that they can achieve it? Not think it's possible, but know with absolute certainty that they will get there. What makes people like this who they are? What gives people like this their vision? What gives people like this that level of determination?

Or, like one of our modern day Known Henro, who made it only as far as Kagawa-ken before realizing that the henro trail was her life, thus begging entry into one of the temples, taking the vows, and knowing that she would spend the rest of her life as a nun, seeking the same truth that Kūkai had found. And now living in the US, running a monastery of her own and passing all of this determination on to a new generation of henro.

Maybe it's just like that henro Mary Oliver said, "One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began...." Maybe a few lucky people in this world just wake up one day and know. Understanding where that knowing came from and why it chose that moment to arrive may be irrelevant; just accepting the message may be all there is to do. Maybe that's the key? Maybe it's those few brave henro who allow themselves to hear the message, who open themselves to the possibility of receiving it, that one day finally know what they have to do. And so, begin.

So, i fly from Chicago to Detroit next Thursday morning. There, i catch an afternoon flight non-stop to Ōsaka, getting there at about 6:30 pm on Friday night. Saturday morning Matsushita-san (of the English guidebook) and his neice pick me up at the hotel and we sightsee all day before ending up on Mt. Kōya where i will greet the Daishi again and check into my lodging. Sunday morning, immediately after morning services, i catch a bus to the train station and begin the long trip back to Ōsaka, where i then catch a bus for the several hour ride over to Tokushima City. After lunch with friends, i jump on a JR Line train to Iyo Mishima station where i finished last year, arriving at something like 4:30. Then on Monday morning, the fifth day of vacation, i lace up my boots and finally start the climb up to Sankakuji, Temple 65. :-)

(Wait. Did you hear that? Softly in the backgroung. Do you hear it? Listen. It sounds like.... it is! Willy Nelson. "On the road again. I just can't wait to get on the road again. ... Goin' places that I've never been. Seein' things that I may never see again, And I can't wait to get on the road again." Can you hear it???)

--3/24: About 2 days before leaving--
I was going to type another entry tonight. On the train coming home from work, something in the back of my head was looking for a keyboard, but when i got home, turned on the computer, and sat down ..... nothing came out. Zippo. Ziltch. Nada. Rien. Oh well, maybe tomorrow........

--3/27: A half hour before leaving--
It's 4:45 and i'm eating breakifast and looking over the "stuff" i have loaded into my mp3 player for the long ride over he Pacific to make sure i have some variety. Looks OK. Packed everything last night at 8:00. Sent off my last emails. Took out the trash. Set the timer on my living room light. Charged the battery in my camera, mp3 playe, and mobile phone. Verified that i had my travelers checks, passport, airline e-ticket (Northwest),

I'll leave at 5:30 to catch the 5:50 am train from Lockport into Chicago, where i transfer to the Blue Line to get out to O'Hare. Should arrive around 9:00, an hour before my flight to Detroit. I still won't get to Kansai International Airport until 6:30 Friday night, however. It's a very long flight to get there.

Had Chinese take-out for dinner on Sunday and my fortune cookie said "Good news will come to you from far away." That got me excited immediately. I figured it had to be related to one of two things. A Christian woman on the train i ride home several times a week told me she was going to pray for my soul when she found out that i wasn't going to church on Easter Sunday. Don't know what she was thinking because i know she knows i'm not a Christian, but anyhow, when i saw the fortune cookie i thought maybe she had said the prayers and help was on its way. :-)

The other possibility was obviously Shikoku. Compared to Chicago, Shikoku is definitely far away, so now i'm wondering what good news is coming my way? I'm not even going to try and guess. I'll just wait until i get there and see what comes up. Ohhhh, i can't wait.

OK, time to close this up, wash my breakfast bowl and glass and get ready to go. Shikoku, i'll see you soon.

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